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Dateline: The Winter Meeting of The Heterosexual Men Who Love Mariah Carey Club.

OK, we have had time to digest the Grammy Awards by now. Let us remember, even in this dark time, that Mariah is still the best, still the hottest, still the nastiest piece of skankaliciousness. We will continue to dream of her as she sings us sweet lullabies.

But let us conjure a few words on that worthless, useless, disgusting awards show, the Grammys. The Grammys can suck Mariah's left toe. She lost to U2? She lost to that American Idol Munchkin? What are the Grammys? A soul extinguishing exercise in the shameless by people who should be sent to Baghdad post haste.

Dear Grammy Committee: I know you suck hard, you have no taste, the last music you listened to sucked, the last music you had anything to do with profesionally sucked, but I implore you, wake up dickweeds.

Mariah made an album. It was far and away the album of the year. Mariah made a song called "We Belong Together" that was far and away the song of the year. There was no doubt, there should have been no debate. That you gave album of the year to Irish geezers with incipient swollen prostate conditions shows you should be condemned to rot in the fire pits of hell for eternity.

I hope in hell whilst you are getting the demonic prison love you so richly deserve, enlightenment will caress you and you will renounce the evil you have done to that goddess known to us mortals as Mariah.

Now let us turn away from the stinky Grammys and stare at Mariah's picture to be found on her #1's album (so hot) whilst we let her mellifluous musings make us once again believe in life.

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