24 February 2006
NEWS: Grammys Can Kiss My Mammy's Etc.
Dateline: The Winter Meeting of The Heterosexual Men Who Love Mariah Carey Club.
OK, we have had time to digest the Grammy Awards by now. Let us remember, even in this dark time, that Mariah is still the best, still the hottest, still the nastiest piece of skankaliciousness. We will continue to dream of her as she sings us sweet lullabies.
But let us conjure a few words on that worthless, useless, disgusting awards show, the Grammys. The Grammys can suck Mariah's left toe. She lost to U2? She lost to that American Idol Munchkin? What are the Grammys? A soul extinguishing exercise in the shameless by people who should be sent to Baghdad post haste.
Dear Grammy Committee: I know you suck hard, you have no taste, the last music you listened to sucked, the last music you had anything to do with profesionally sucked, but I implore you, wake up dickweeds.
Mariah made an album. It was far and away the album of the year. Mariah made a song called "We Belong Together" that was far and away the song of the year. There was no doubt, there should have been no debate. That you gave album of the year to Irish geezers with incipient swollen prostate conditions shows you should be condemned to rot in the fire pits of hell for eternity.
I hope in hell whilst you are getting the demonic prison love you so richly deserve, enlightenment will caress you and you will renounce the evil you have done to that goddess known to us mortals as Mariah.
Now let us turn away from the stinky Grammys and stare at Mariah's picture to be found on her #1's album (so hot) whilst we let her mellifluous musings make us once again believe in life.
###
OK, we have had time to digest the Grammy Awards by now. Let us remember, even in this dark time, that Mariah is still the best, still the hottest, still the nastiest piece of skankaliciousness. We will continue to dream of her as she sings us sweet lullabies.
But let us conjure a few words on that worthless, useless, disgusting awards show, the Grammys. The Grammys can suck Mariah's left toe. She lost to U2? She lost to that American Idol Munchkin? What are the Grammys? A soul extinguishing exercise in the shameless by people who should be sent to Baghdad post haste.
Dear Grammy Committee: I know you suck hard, you have no taste, the last music you listened to sucked, the last music you had anything to do with profesionally sucked, but I implore you, wake up dickweeds.
Mariah made an album. It was far and away the album of the year. Mariah made a song called "We Belong Together" that was far and away the song of the year. There was no doubt, there should have been no debate. That you gave album of the year to Irish geezers with incipient swollen prostate conditions shows you should be condemned to rot in the fire pits of hell for eternity.
I hope in hell whilst you are getting the demonic prison love you so richly deserve, enlightenment will caress you and you will renounce the evil you have done to that goddess known to us mortals as Mariah.
Now let us turn away from the stinky Grammys and stare at Mariah's picture to be found on her #1's album (so hot) whilst we let her mellifluous musings make us once again believe in life.
###
23 February 2006
ART: These Cool Light Boxes
Dateline: Over There Along The Urban Industrial Corridor
We drove over to Linda Warren Gallery last Friday night. Our buddy and a couple other art freaks were doing a performance piece – a drums, guitar and laptop trio. Linda Warren has that most rare trait in an art gallery owner – taste. Who gave her the right to have good taste? At any rate, the gallery has pulled some nice shows together lately.
Before the boys started playing I bummed a beer and had a look at the new art on the walls. In the back there were these real nice light boxes hung up. They were handmade wood, about the size of a small birdhouse. Into them you could peer and see through tricks of a mirror and magnifying glass, grainy gnarls of wood and multi colored eyeballs. Two circles were cut out in front into which you could peer. These holes were filled with magnifying glasses. The lenses enlarged an image of a mirror, which was set in the box at an angle. The mirror reflected various materials through holes cut out of the sides of the light box. Does that make sense? Anyway, they struck a nice crafty tone without being precious. A little Joseph Cornell, a little penny arcade.
After my buddy and his fiends started playing, these two lesbians who have a two-person dance troupe arrived and began dancing to the music. As I watched a question came to me – if sexy and strange women do a very bendy but spirited interpretive dance to music made by down home art freaks thrashing about, is it art?
###
We drove over to Linda Warren Gallery last Friday night. Our buddy and a couple other art freaks were doing a performance piece – a drums, guitar and laptop trio. Linda Warren has that most rare trait in an art gallery owner – taste. Who gave her the right to have good taste? At any rate, the gallery has pulled some nice shows together lately.
Before the boys started playing I bummed a beer and had a look at the new art on the walls. In the back there were these real nice light boxes hung up. They were handmade wood, about the size of a small birdhouse. Into them you could peer and see through tricks of a mirror and magnifying glass, grainy gnarls of wood and multi colored eyeballs. Two circles were cut out in front into which you could peer. These holes were filled with magnifying glasses. The lenses enlarged an image of a mirror, which was set in the box at an angle. The mirror reflected various materials through holes cut out of the sides of the light box. Does that make sense? Anyway, they struck a nice crafty tone without being precious. A little Joseph Cornell, a little penny arcade.
After my buddy and his fiends started playing, these two lesbians who have a two-person dance troupe arrived and began dancing to the music. As I watched a question came to me – if sexy and strange women do a very bendy but spirited interpretive dance to music made by down home art freaks thrashing about, is it art?
###
LOVE: Lonely People Should Have Sex
Dateline: Rubbing Up Against A New Friend On A Local Dance Floor During A Rockabilly Swing Band Concert
Lonely people sometimes get too lonely. They get that lonely person stink on them. They start staring for long moments, muttering to themselves. There is something blech emanating from a lonely person's wrinkled clothes. But there is a way to temporarily get the solitary stench of aloneness off of you. (It is a bit ironical no, that loneliness, the condition thereof, propagates itself insidiously by making lonely people even lonelier because nobody wants to touch their sorry asses.)
At any rate, the one way to dispel loneliness is fornication. Engage in it with somebody in the meantime, somebody you do not want to spend time with more than just to do them. A snack in between lovers. We have all been there: we wait for love and so do not want to bang on just whatever meat is lying around; we want to capture spunky fresh meat that we can dote on.
But if you wait too long you get too solitary smelling, and then love will avoid you like the odor of a bum on a bus. So if you are feeling as sexy as a bag of cold potatoes, it would behoove you to engage in carnal relations with the nearest, most palatable partner.
Make sure you are upfront with people. Let them know that this is intercourse solely for intercourse sake. No need to complicate things. Even bad sex after a concert while you opine about lost lovers will provide enough inoculatory love juice to spruce your sorry ass up a bit.
Post coitus, lonely people will appear less desperate and more attractive to potential lovers. This will allow an opportunity for love to wiggle its way in through lonely persons' back doors, figuratively speaking.
###
Lonely people sometimes get too lonely. They get that lonely person stink on them. They start staring for long moments, muttering to themselves. There is something blech emanating from a lonely person's wrinkled clothes. But there is a way to temporarily get the solitary stench of aloneness off of you. (It is a bit ironical no, that loneliness, the condition thereof, propagates itself insidiously by making lonely people even lonelier because nobody wants to touch their sorry asses.)
At any rate, the one way to dispel loneliness is fornication. Engage in it with somebody in the meantime, somebody you do not want to spend time with more than just to do them. A snack in between lovers. We have all been there: we wait for love and so do not want to bang on just whatever meat is lying around; we want to capture spunky fresh meat that we can dote on.
But if you wait too long you get too solitary smelling, and then love will avoid you like the odor of a bum on a bus. So if you are feeling as sexy as a bag of cold potatoes, it would behoove you to engage in carnal relations with the nearest, most palatable partner.
Make sure you are upfront with people. Let them know that this is intercourse solely for intercourse sake. No need to complicate things. Even bad sex after a concert while you opine about lost lovers will provide enough inoculatory love juice to spruce your sorry ass up a bit.
Post coitus, lonely people will appear less desperate and more attractive to potential lovers. This will allow an opportunity for love to wiggle its way in through lonely persons' back doors, figuratively speaking.
###
SPIRIT: Dreams Are True
Dateline: A Meeting With 'The Candy Colored Clown They Call The Sandman'
Just in case you hear some moron argue that our dreams are mere random cranial misfirings, here is the real story: dreams are visual metaphors created by our emotional intelligence. They help explain who we are, what we do and where we go. The feelings we feel in our dreams are feelings we are feeling in waking life. Dreams teach us primarily that our emotions are a pre-rational intelligence, an intelligence that can help us answer who we are, what we do and where we go.
It is funny, though, as valuable as our dreams are to ourselves, they are so boring to listen to when other people relate them. Whenever somebody relates their dreams it causes the sleepy switch to turn on. "…And then I was pushing this grocery cart under the interstate…" Please, keep it to yourself.
Always remember that our dreams are on our side. Even scary, disturbing dreams are trying to help us. The scariest dreams can be the most valuable because they warn us about situations in our lives that are dangerous and untenable. Dreams are like very old friends, they always try to get us to be our best.
Ann Faraday wrote two excellent books about self dream analysis. Anybody who reads her books will become a dream expert in short order. But you do not have to be an expert to get something out of your dreams. Simply feel the feelings you feel in the dream. Think to yourself, when do I feel those feeling in waking life? That is what the dream is about.
A very good visual metaphor for our dreams is the compass. Dreams nudge (occasionally bludgeon) us to keep to our own true north.
###
Just in case you hear some moron argue that our dreams are mere random cranial misfirings, here is the real story: dreams are visual metaphors created by our emotional intelligence. They help explain who we are, what we do and where we go. The feelings we feel in our dreams are feelings we are feeling in waking life. Dreams teach us primarily that our emotions are a pre-rational intelligence, an intelligence that can help us answer who we are, what we do and where we go.
It is funny, though, as valuable as our dreams are to ourselves, they are so boring to listen to when other people relate them. Whenever somebody relates their dreams it causes the sleepy switch to turn on. "…And then I was pushing this grocery cart under the interstate…" Please, keep it to yourself.
Always remember that our dreams are on our side. Even scary, disturbing dreams are trying to help us. The scariest dreams can be the most valuable because they warn us about situations in our lives that are dangerous and untenable. Dreams are like very old friends, they always try to get us to be our best.
Ann Faraday wrote two excellent books about self dream analysis. Anybody who reads her books will become a dream expert in short order. But you do not have to be an expert to get something out of your dreams. Simply feel the feelings you feel in the dream. Think to yourself, when do I feel those feeling in waking life? That is what the dream is about.
A very good visual metaphor for our dreams is the compass. Dreams nudge (occasionally bludgeon) us to keep to our own true north.
###
22 February 2006
SPORT: NBA Notions
Dateline: Allen Iverson's After-Party Deep in The Alleys of Philly
I hate prognosticating these days. Ever since the Indianapolis Colts layed down like a bunch of bitches in front of their home crowd in the playoffs, I have felt smited. There went my Super Bowl money. But time has healed by now.
We have reached the half way point of the NBA season. It might be time to consider a wager on our championship winner. It will give us something to look forward to in June.
Here are the recent odds:
San Antonio Spurs 3-1
Detroit Pistons 1-1
Miami Heat 4-1
Phoenix Suns 9-2
Dallas Mavericks 5-1
Here is my highly unofficial opinion from watching a little TNT now and then. Brief Aside: Marv Albert is the best NBA announcer bar none. He should be the perennial voice of the NBA championships, alas.
Even with the low odds Detroit is a clear favorite right now. The Wallace Brothers, the defense, the multi tiered offense, they look good right now. They are so good they are bored which is the only reason they do not look to get 70 wins.
But I must mitigate this forecast with one caveat. His name is Amare Stoudamire. And if he can come back and play then the Phoenix Suns will be a formidable opponent. We have not seen Stoudamire since he went down in training camp, so I think there is a tendency to forget what a monster this guy is under the hoop. He would be the missing power presence Phoenix could use to take it all. But we do not know what kind of shape he comes back in, so he is one to watch.
I think with a 100 bucks I would put 75 on the Pistons and a 25 dollar hedge on the Suns.
I'll see you over at Iverson's party for game seven of the Suns-Pistons to decide it all, sometime latish June.
###
I hate prognosticating these days. Ever since the Indianapolis Colts layed down like a bunch of bitches in front of their home crowd in the playoffs, I have felt smited. There went my Super Bowl money. But time has healed by now.
We have reached the half way point of the NBA season. It might be time to consider a wager on our championship winner. It will give us something to look forward to in June.
Here are the recent odds:
San Antonio Spurs 3-1
Detroit Pistons 1-1
Miami Heat 4-1
Phoenix Suns 9-2
Dallas Mavericks 5-1
Here is my highly unofficial opinion from watching a little TNT now and then. Brief Aside: Marv Albert is the best NBA announcer bar none. He should be the perennial voice of the NBA championships, alas.
Even with the low odds Detroit is a clear favorite right now. The Wallace Brothers, the defense, the multi tiered offense, they look good right now. They are so good they are bored which is the only reason they do not look to get 70 wins.
But I must mitigate this forecast with one caveat. His name is Amare Stoudamire. And if he can come back and play then the Phoenix Suns will be a formidable opponent. We have not seen Stoudamire since he went down in training camp, so I think there is a tendency to forget what a monster this guy is under the hoop. He would be the missing power presence Phoenix could use to take it all. But we do not know what kind of shape he comes back in, so he is one to watch.
I think with a 100 bucks I would put 75 on the Pistons and a 25 dollar hedge on the Suns.
I'll see you over at Iverson's party for game seven of the Suns-Pistons to decide it all, sometime latish June.
###
NEWS: Bull Terrier Wins Westminster
Dateline: Madison Square Garden
Bull Terriers have always been a bit déclassé, until now. Bred to fight for the amusement and enrichment of London slum dwellers, the breed just won the dog world's most glamorous prize- Best in Show at Westminster.
They are not a breed to trifle with. They are not the easiest of housedog. They do not always love strange children or other dogs. I have always been a fan of the Bull Terrier, and not because of Spuds Mackenzie. I was thinking about getting one but my lover read about the breed and put the kibosh on it. They are handsome with jaws that can rip a human arm from its socket.
I have one more comment on the Westminster Kennel Club Show. A Dachshund has never won Best in Show. What up with that? This needs to change. As a person who grew up with the dog world's version of a rabid badger, I would like to campaign for a Dachshund taking home the big trophy soon.
###
Bull Terriers have always been a bit déclassé, until now. Bred to fight for the amusement and enrichment of London slum dwellers, the breed just won the dog world's most glamorous prize- Best in Show at Westminster.
They are not a breed to trifle with. They are not the easiest of housedog. They do not always love strange children or other dogs. I have always been a fan of the Bull Terrier, and not because of Spuds Mackenzie. I was thinking about getting one but my lover read about the breed and put the kibosh on it. They are handsome with jaws that can rip a human arm from its socket.
I have one more comment on the Westminster Kennel Club Show. A Dachshund has never won Best in Show. What up with that? This needs to change. As a person who grew up with the dog world's version of a rabid badger, I would like to campaign for a Dachshund taking home the big trophy soon.
###
