RSS SPIRIT

Dateline: Deep In The Groove Under The Light Fantastic

The dance floor is where much love can be captured. It is also where much love can be lost. Obviously the quality of your dancing is paramount. Do not get on the floor without at least a couple basic moves in the holster. There is no excuse for bad dancing. Even those of us with the proverbial "two gangrenous feet" can at the least put a couple moves together in front of mirror before we get on the floor.

So you arrive with your move or two, ready to bust out on some nice looking thing sweating over there by the DJ. But hold on. Not every piece of meat is there for the feasting. The dance floor is like a speed dating predator pit in motion. You need, besides a couple moves, supreme confidence and a discerning eye. Because what looks like a ship with a free boarding policy can turn out to be a fast trip to Davy Jones' locker. And conversely what looks like an untouchable whirling dervish can turn out to be a soft fuzzy creature ready to cuddle up on a slow dance.

Of course experience is the best teacher, but there are a few clues to sniff out when you wade through that ferocious dog pound of love known as the dance floor. First, the freaks up front by the speakers are best left alone. They are too energetic and by the time they are ready for love you will have cramps in just about every glute and calf.

Bunches of single sex clusters frequently glancing are usually a green light. It is best not to approach directly but sidle nearby and bust off that MC Hammer move you reserve for potential love interests. Then, when the DJ segues into something that elicits yelps and cries, insert yourself into the situation and see if you can shake a loose a tasty morsel from the bunch.

Just because somebody is coupled off is not necessarily a red light. Watch for wandering eyes and listless moves, telltale signs these are but friends showing off their respective wares in a safe duo.

Avoid of course those who bust out stripper moves or somebody always looking over their shoulder (at mates they are hoping to not be seen by.) Avoid also the DJ, unless you are looking for something fast and furious in the van wedged between electronic equipment. And finally, avoid that cute young thing running to and fro between every song. Chances are s/he is here with a legal guardian.

Do shake your tail feather near people with good dance moves. You know what they say about good dancers, their dexterous moves translate to a variety of social intercourse. And definitely look for those who cannot help but break out a big smile as they dip and sway to something old school. Because as has been proven time and time again, happy dancers make better gropers later in the alley after everybody has been thrown off the dance floor.

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