RSS SPIRIT

Rule 22.a - if the ball falls into a puke puddle the point is deemed a let.





Your first test, lift your tennis arm over your head. If you experience excruciating pain, loud cracking or long-windedness – you are not in tennis shape. Start by soaking in epsom salts, take a brisk walk to your nearest emergency room and request the "full battery."

Second test, picture yourself in a pit or a steel cage. You are fighting a bear in a winner take all death match. There is only one way for you to win. Poke the bear's eyes out and remove the bear's heart with your bare hands. Can you picture yourself accomplishing this? If not, you do not have the killer instinct that wins matches on the "cracked asphalt municipal" hard court. Strengthen winning attitudes by practicing killer volley smashes while screaming "booyah!"

On the issue of volleys, do not forget to practice your volley technique. Because you should face facts: you are never going to be in real tennis shape. This is equivalent to triathlon shape. To counteract a dissolute training regimen, you should focus on conserving energy by hitting winners. You do not get extra credit for a 15 shot winning point. Volleying is a great way to do or die and move on to the next point. Try practice volleys from the service line. From this position you are not vulnerable to energy stealing lob chasing.

Perhaps the best thing to enhance, stamina-wise, is pain endurance. Because sooner or later things are going to start to hurt. Start with some G. Gordon Liddy style calisthenics by holding your forearm over an open flame. This will help you manage the inevitable twinges in the shoulder, knee and elbow areas. Nobody said tennis is easy on the joints. And you cannot let a torn ligament slow you down when you are up 5-4 trying to serve out against some cocky snotbag you are on the verge of beating for the first time.

Because those of us who play in dirty city parks know there are only two ways to exit the chain link – with your racket or on it.

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