09 March 2006
SPORT: U.S. Baseball Loses To Canada
Dateline: Joyless Mudville
Some Canadian kid named Stern singlehandedly humiliated the U.S. baseball team yesterday. U.S. losing to Canada in baseball? Let us all look up to the sky, for the horsemen of the apocalypse surely descend upon us.
Does it seem lately that every U.S. national sports team now sucks? This travesty on an Arizona diamond is just the latest fiasco to be perpetrated by Yankee flubbers. Look no further than the U.S. basketball team. Remember when it was called the dream team and the only issue was whether we could make the other team cry? Now we are lucky to steal bronze away from the feisty Lithuanians.
U.S. hockey? The only question to ask of these bums is why do we keep sending professional players overseas to party on our dime, grope local females and lose to kazakhstan? From the miracle on ice we have traveled to the millionares taking a steaming dump on ice. Let us pray we never see another NHL player on a U.S. hockey team.
Tennis and golf are not doing much either. When was the last time we won the Davis Cup (yes I know nobody cares?) And does it not make you sick that our sickly representatives of humanity who play golf for U.S. ensure that all major hardware resides in Europe?
And now, baseball. We lost to Canada. What in god's name is going on here? If U.S. sports keeps shame spiralling down like this we will need to concoct an American Football world championship in order to win at a game nobody else plays.
Caveat: there is one bright spot - U.S. soccer. The one sport in which we have always lagged is now our one shot at international legitimacy. This summer's world cup might be the stage where the U.S. soccer team makes us want to root for America again. But until then, sing along with me:
"Oh Canada, land that I love..."
###
Some Canadian kid named Stern singlehandedly humiliated the U.S. baseball team yesterday. U.S. losing to Canada in baseball? Let us all look up to the sky, for the horsemen of the apocalypse surely descend upon us.
Does it seem lately that every U.S. national sports team now sucks? This travesty on an Arizona diamond is just the latest fiasco to be perpetrated by Yankee flubbers. Look no further than the U.S. basketball team. Remember when it was called the dream team and the only issue was whether we could make the other team cry? Now we are lucky to steal bronze away from the feisty Lithuanians.
U.S. hockey? The only question to ask of these bums is why do we keep sending professional players overseas to party on our dime, grope local females and lose to kazakhstan? From the miracle on ice we have traveled to the millionares taking a steaming dump on ice. Let us pray we never see another NHL player on a U.S. hockey team.
Tennis and golf are not doing much either. When was the last time we won the Davis Cup (yes I know nobody cares?) And does it not make you sick that our sickly representatives of humanity who play golf for U.S. ensure that all major hardware resides in Europe?
And now, baseball. We lost to Canada. What in god's name is going on here? If U.S. sports keeps shame spiralling down like this we will need to concoct an American Football world championship in order to win at a game nobody else plays.
Caveat: there is one bright spot - U.S. soccer. The one sport in which we have always lagged is now our one shot at international legitimacy. This summer's world cup might be the stage where the U.S. soccer team makes us want to root for America again. But until then, sing along with me:
"Oh Canada, land that I love..."
###
Comments:
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1. I´ll never sing such a thing.
2. Yer crazy if you think the US is going to do us proud st the world cup. That´s cool if I have to eat my words; I´m just saying don´t get your hopes up.
2. Yer crazy if you think the US is going to do us proud st the world cup. That´s cool if I have to eat my words; I´m just saying don´t get your hopes up.
# posted by 
: 7:45 AM
: 7:45 AM
We doing it this year, watch, I'm not saying we are going to win it all, but something sexy is going to occur which will make us forget about what a clusterfuck of idiocy america has become. Temporarily.
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